My journey to natural grey hair.

The past few months have been spent embracing the natural silver fox in me. It was something that I always wanted to do as I am proud to be a woman of forty-five and I adore natural grey hair. During the summer months smack band in the middle of my worst year of exacerbated Fibromyalgia symptoms this decision was forced upon me.

My scalp became so sore and raw. Intense itching and irritation was painful and lead to patches of alopecia emerging on my scalp. (see image) At this stage, I knew I had to break the destructive cycle of chemicals. So I started a diary to help anyone in the same situation as me.

Image 1: Christmas day 2015 I had a massive flare between Christmas and New year and I never really felt the same since. Symptoms were at their highest and it was a challenging time.

Image 2 and 3: April 2016 I have stopped chemical tints on my hair now as the pain in my scalp was so raw. I tried my best to tie it back and allow as much fresh air to my scalp.

25th June 2016

Image 4: Today I went to the hairdressers and took the plunge. "Cut it all off"

No going back now!

I explained to the hairdresser what I am doing and why. It is always good to give them the bigger picture rather than them just thinking you are having a "Britney Spears Moment" although some days when my hair is sore I fully understand her shaving it all off bald. Until Fibro I never would have believed that I would ever say, "even my hair is sore to touch" but it is and often. Not one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia I ever expected.

The little people love my hair, they think I am total cool punk Mum, bless. They inspire me daily to be who I am. No matter what they always find something positive to say and tell me so much how beautiful I am on the days when I really do not feel beautiful.

I was not going to share it with my social media life and just post an image in a few months, Christmas maybe when my hair has grown but I thought better of it. I posted an image on my personal page with the title "Sometimes you just need a change" I never mentioned it was needed, my scalp is so sore, scabby, blistering and my hair was falling out with hair dye, health reasons blah blah

8th July 2016

Image 5: My roots are really starting to show now and I can not wait to lose all the ugly looking tinted hair. It shocks me for so many years I have had my hair tinted and yet now I despise it. I really do feel like I have abused and neglected my scalp and now it is payback.

My scalp is still raw and painful so I am trying my best to cope with antihistamines to stop the itch and ibuprofen to calm the irritation pain. The best way I can describe this is like a shingles pain. It is not simply on my scalp it feels deeper to the nerve core. I have switched to completely chemical and paraben free shampoo and use no hair products.

11th July 2016

Image 6: Decided today was the day when I go for the total chop. I am not very well symptom wise at the moment so I won't miss my hair at all, if anything it will be so much easier during this period.

Do I like it this short?

No! I hate it but as the saying goes "you can not make an omelette without breaking some eggs." I knew I would either have to go for a drastic chop or make do with horrible root growth.

Hair this short really does make my head feel fresh and airy, not use to this feeling at all. It saddens me I can see how thin my hair has gone. This time next year I will have more hair, healthier hair that is natural, chemical free and hopefully not sore anymore.

I am using lots of hemp products. Natural hemp shampoo and also CBD Healing Hemp lotion to massage onto my scalp.

On a positive:

1. It is VERY liberating to have no hair to hide behind.
2. For the first time in over 30 years I am my natural hair colour.
3. It will grow.
4. I have actually done it! I did not think I had the guts to go natural so high five to me.
5. I am giving my body the best chance of not developing full blown alopecia

23rd July 2016

Image 7: I persevered with natural products and my scalp is doing well. I love being natural, it is so amazing having short hair as it is so easy.

13th August 2016

Image 8: My growth is very slow but I guess that is to be expected. It seems to be a totally different texture to my tinted hair, all soft and fluffy. New hair is exciting. But I do miss my hair so much..sob sob.

10th September

Image 9: Today I smiled looking at my hair, it is such a beautiful colour. Over the last three months I have questioned was it the best thing to do. I know I could no longer continue to tint my hair due to the pain afterwards with scabs but it still left doubts. Crazy I know!

29th September

Image 10: Still loving my baby soft hair. It has shocked me how different natural hair is compared to tinted. My hair is so soft and I no longer feel like my hair hurts. I became so used to my old texture I presumed my new hair would be the same and that was just with age, but no, I have hair like velvet now!

My scalp is starting to heal nice and I can see baby tufts growing in the balding area at the front.


Image11: Starting to see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel and finally it feels like my hair is growing and my scalp is getting back to nearly full health.

I absolutely adore the colour and texture of my hair now. I never realised how chemically damaged my hair was and how much abuse I was putting my scalp through until now. Photo 5 shocks me as it just looks like straw tinted black.

The images of my scalp and hair loss are a stark reminder of how bad things had become. I find it so comforting now that I see and feel my scalp is happy and healthy. People are still shocked that I cut all my hair off and went natural. Sometimes I explain I had no choice but mostly I say nothing and smile. I only really share the real me with close friends and my blog.

The last few months have been a journey. This is going to sound quite dramatic as all I really did was shave my hair off but for me it felt so much more. My hair was my mask, I hid behind it yet once removed I was laid bare and felt very vulnerable. I look at other women with very cropped hair and see beauty in them yet I felt all my femininity was lost.

I really did feel ugly.

This was crazy!
Hair does not make me a woman.
Hair does not make me who I am.

I hated myself for feeling this way.
Judging my worth based upon the exterior was wrong.

I had to find my focus and clear away the stupid words in my mind from destroying my confidence. Thankfully I got there and now I am proud of my choice to look after my scalp. My focus is this time next year I know I will have long swishing natural grey curls all healthy and shiny. I can easily lose a few hours looking through Pinterest at all the beautiful women with grey hair embracing the silver fox within, they keep me going.

So that is me, happy healthy scalp now.

Edit added 20/08/2017 
My hair is growing and my scalp remains relatively pain-free. I still get the odd "even my hair hurts" days but nothing compared to before.

 Love and gentle hugs to you all


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