An Autumn catch up.

I have been worried lately about blogging and convinced myself I had lost my fizz. Fellow chronic illness bloggers in our network seem to churn out so many great blogs and I allowed my mind to fail me. Your mind at times can be your worst best friend, like a bully on the playground saying nasty things to you.

Do you ever do this?
Allow your mind to take over?
Destructive isn't it?

Blogging for me is always simple, I write from the heart and share my life as a Mum with Fibromyalgia (and a few other illnesses) so the title of this blog pretty much reflects that.

It is simply an Autumn catch up with friends as that is what I class you as, my friend. If anyone takes the time to follow my page and read my word then they are a friend in my world.

I say I have done nothing of interest when people ask me but really I have done so much, Autumn 2016 has been a busy one, but a busy one at my own pace, snail pace!

Do you know this was the first year in the whole of my life I never collected conkers with the children?

A small example of one of the reasons this illness still manages to annoy me, it steals the beauty from my favourite seasons by increasing the symptoms tenfold. It comes as a shock each year and it baffles me why? I should by now anticipate this massive feeling of unwell, yet I don't and I mourn a little each Autumn as a result.

The beginning of Autumn gave me some good days to catch up. I managed a roast in my Mum and Dad's with the boys, a mug of tea and a bacon butty in the cafe with my friend who kindly collected me and brought me home again and a glass of wine on a date, so that is wonderful really.

I will be writing my next blog about dating with chronic illness, it will be a really honest piece of writing about my experiences with dating since Fibromyalgia. It is often a subject that we find difficult to even think of when we are ill, we miss the love and company but it all gets a bit too much.

Do you share your illness?
Do you masquerade as a human and hope they do not notice?

Oh and regards to the mention of I had been on a date, put the hat back in the box and step away from the box. There is a hint of how it went! I am now off that radar, I shot that stupid cupid down with a potato gun and I am happily in sleep phase.

My body is now in hibernation phase and after a rough week, I have come to accept this phase. During the rain, the wind, colder months we have to accept our limitations or the cloak of darkness never lifts.

A little dark cloud comes over me for a short while, I know it will pass so I embrace it. It is a sign that I have to reprogram my mind to "hippy-rainbow-unicorn" mode, I rethink my own happiness and shine a new light on all the small stuff. It really does keep me going with a smile.

My sons are all great at knowing when I need loving a little more or when the snuggles are more for my benefit than theirs. I love them so much more for this as I never need to ask, they just know me so well.

Autumn has given me two new selfies. I do love capturing a moment in time when you looked good. I often giggle thinking people on facebook must think I look like this each day, if only! It is simply for that moment, that hour or so I looked good. I fully recommend everyone to do this, you need a reminder that you can still look good, it keeps me happy and it gives the "you don't look ill" judgement gang something to talk about.

One of my biggest achievements of Autumn is maintaining my promise to the little men that they can go to Saturday training. Two weeks ago was my lowest so far and yet we got there. My little man just snuggled into me on the bus home, it was a silent snuggle of appreciation as he knew how I was feeling. His little body molds to mine, his warmth next to me was so comforting. Mr 13 is so like Mr 20 who is so like me, they hug me and I melt into the safety of being loved and don't give the hug a time limit, they just hug me till I stop needing that moment. ,

"Thank you so much, Mum, I really appreciate it now let's get you home to bed." His big deep man voice said, my heart melted as it was only yesterday he was my baby.

This was the day I needed really to prove to myself that I could do this for my boys. My last blog post was about this also so have a read. It does you good to step outside of the comfort zone sometimes or the bubble force field closes so tight you forget to live a little.

I feel fully adjusted now to my eldest moving out. His happiness and "Love you Mum" texts each day really do make me smile. The pain of missing him so much is eased by how easier his life has become without having to travel each day to University. He still comes home for tea now and then and when I do the family shopping I order a few bits and bobs for him and put them in a bag. He laughs and asks why I do this as he has his own money now. Again I explain I do it for me, I like being his mum and this is how I cope when he is not here.

I really do think it is so important being a Mum to explain things as best we can. The greatest bond you ever have is with your children so why not communicate your feelings to them? My son's know everything about me, Mr 13 even finishes my sentences lately or predicts what I am about to do! This is something I will always be grateful to fibromyalgia for.

We often forget the gifts that Fibromyalgia has given us. When you think about your life now, the changes it has made as a result of being chronically unwell, what have you got to thank Fibro for?

One of these things for me is learning to crochet.

Crochet has truly been my Autumn blessing. I taught myself mid-September and it has taken over my life, it is so relaxing! It does not hurt my hands like knitting and I simply love it.

Right now I am back to being happy and content. I know my zest for all things blogging will return once the setting up of our support group "WOMEN WITH FIBROMYALGIA" has settled down.

I had a massive year filled with lots of wonderful reviews but I really do think I over did it being a human guinea pig for the sake of my blogging. It just all seemed so exciting to try at the time. The struggle to regain digestive balance is on going and nausea and vomiting is a symptom I do not need so I am completely off limits with any products now that require me to take as medication.

This blog has been total therapy to me so I hope you enjoyed reading it. I now realise I need to start over and find my balance. Sometimes taking a huge step back to the begining is a massive leap for harmony and balance.

How is your balance and pacing going at the moment?

Love and hugs


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